Stephanie Forster, Author at Silver Bee Ceremonies

10 reasons to choose a Humanist funeral service

Here are my top reasons why a Humanist funeral service is a great choice to celebrate the life of your loved one, or if you are planning your own funeral.

Every service is especially created for the person who is being celebrated, so it’s truly personal in words and style
Humanist funerals don’t have to sombre affairs, they can be filled with fun, laughter and colour while being heartfelt too
Anything goes so if you want live music, poetry, a one act play, or a glass of champagne we’ll make it work for you

If you want to speak at the funeral service but don’t know if you’ll be able to find the right words, we can write something for you to say on the day
We’re experts at conducting funeral services in crematoria, cemeteries and natural burial grounds, and more unusual settings too, and will create a service to suit the surroundings

We love hearing all about people’s lives and piecing together your memories into a story that tells of their journey through life
Funeral services don’t have to be religious, Humanist services suit those without faith, but if you want a prayer or hymn included just in case, that’s fine
You’ll receive a draft copy of the full script to review before the ceremony so you can make sure everything is just as you want it to be, and that all of the details are correct
Your loved one’s memory can be kept alive by choosing for their funeral script to be entered into the Humanist Funeral Tribute Archive so future generations can read about and understand their life
All Humanist Celebrants are trained and fully accredited, and we are regularly reviewed too so you can rest easy knowing that the service quality will be great

If that hasn’t convinced you, check out more details on the Humanists UK website or visit my Funeral Ceremonies page

Should you choose a Naming Ceremony or Christening for your child?

If you are wondering what a naming ceremony is, don’t worry you’re not alone! Although they are rising in popularity lots of people haven’t heard the term and most have yet to experience one.

I could quite simply say it’s like a non-religious christening, when the parents formally name their child and ask close friends or family members to take a special role in their child’s life as guide parents. But is it so much more than that.

Firstly a naming ceremony involves just those people that you invite to the service. It’s just for you and your family and friends whether that’s a small gathering of 10 people or over 100, whereas a religious service normally takes place as part of a Sunday service with the congregation and there will often be other families having their child christened too.

The service can also take place anywhere you choose whether that’s at home, at the top of Box Hill in Dorking, Surrey, your local community hall or your favourite hotel. And you can have your naming ceremony and the after ‘party’ all in the same place.

Naming ceremony Surrey — Claire and Matt with their gorgeous Edward!

The most important difference for me is that a naming ceremony is personal to your family and your child. Each service is written just for your little one and draws on details about their personality and your family values to create a unique script. Poems and songs are a great addition to a ceremony too and enable you to involve close family and friends in the proceedings.

You can appoint guide parents, instead of god parents, and I love to talk about why you’ve chosen each guide parent and what influences and learning they will bring to your child – whether that is to ensure they learn the value of giving to others, to develop an adventurous streak, or to become a life long Chelsea fan! The guide parents you choose make promises to your child that are meaningful to you all, rather than the standard promises you make at a christening.

And if you’d like a keepsake from the day, we can ask your guests to add their contribution to a finger print tree or wishes box as part of the ceremony, in addition to the guide parents and child receiving a signed certificate.

Naming-ceremony-finger-print-tree — Finger Print Tree for Maisie

So, if you are worried about what your family may say I suggest you give a naming ceremony a go and I guarantee they will enjoy the experience! You can always arrange for one of your great aunts to read a prayer as part of the service if that will help smooth the waters.

If you’re still not convinced, here’s what one of my families told me: “Stephanie was able to provide us with such a special day for our beautiful baby boy at his naming ceremony. Her kind nature and loving personality made Hudson’s day very special and we will never forget it. After having two christenings for our two older children we found Hudson’s naming ceremony so much more laid back and a lot more personal and memorable. Everyone commenting on what a lovely service Stephanie provided us.” Kate and Martin, July 2019, Staines-upon-Thames, Surrey

Find out more about these fab occasions on my Naming Ceremonies page.

Involving family and friends in your wedding ceremony

There are plenty of ways you can involve your family and friends in your wedding ceremony so they feel part of your special celebration. Here’s a snap shot of some new ideas and those which are steeped in history but with a modern twist…

Having your Dad ‘give you away’ may seem like a thing of the past but many Dads still like the idea of walking their daughter up the aisle – and you might like Dad’s supporting arm too! Dad can give a commitment, rather than giving you away, like bestowing his love and warmth on to you as a couple and wishing you every happiness in your journey through life together

Couples often have divided opinions on including songs during wedding ceremonies for all your guests to join in, but this can be a real winner. Arrange it karaoke style so you have the song playing for everyone to sing a long to, with song sheets provided, pick an easy song that everyone will know and prime those guests beforehand who you know will enjoy getting involved

Ceremonial fires are fab for woodland/festival vibe weddings and can provide a special closing feature to your ceremony. You and your partner are passed flaming torches and you walk around your prepared unlit fire, words from your celebrant are optional here. Then you light the fire and invite your guests to add a wooden disc with your initials stamped on to the flames, making a wish for the two of you as they do so. Thanks to Tash and Laurence for the inspiration for this one!

A ring warming ceremony is a great way of involving all your guests, assuming you are exchanging wedding rings. At the start of your ceremony your celebrant will introduce the concept of the ring warming ceremony and ask for the rings to be passed amongst all guests. Each guest takes the rings in their hand and privately bestows a wish or their love onto the rings. Once they have been around all guests the rings are warmed ready for your ring exchange

Readings and poems can create real poignant moments in your ceremony, or add a bit of fun, depending on the reading selected. Asking the person giving the reading to select something of their choice works well as they will read something they are comfortable with and they have chosen for you. Two or three readings incorporated into your ceremony is just right

I like to ask guests to make a declaration as part of the ceremonies I deliver. This will come towards the end of the ceremony and guests can either respond ‘We do’ to a question asked, or read together a short declaration from a printed sheet. They are giving their commitment to support you both as active friends and families in your future lives

Hand fasting ceremony, humanist wedding, symbolic wedding gestures, sand blending — Hand fasting ceremony

If you would like to involve a small number of close family members in your wedding ceremony, maybe children or your siblings, you might want to consider hand fasting or sand blending. These symbolic gestures, which can involve you making promises to each other and your family, have great visual impact and provide keepsakes of your day. Find out more about these in my symbolic gestures blog

A candle ceremony can be a gorgeous way to involve everyone towards the end of your wedding ceremony. Everyone is given a small candle when they take their seats for the ceremony and when the time comes, the celebrant lights the candle of the first guest, they in turn light the candle of the next guest and so on. Once all of the guest candles have been lit the last person comes up to light a single unity candle for the happy couple. Guests then form a lighted walk way for the couple to pass through. Fab for evening weddings

How to write your own wedding vows

Exchanging personal wedding vows to each other is a truly special moment in your big day. But how do you set about writing your own wedding vows?

This might seem like a daunting prospect among everything else that’s on your long to do list in the build up to your wedding, but following these simple steps will help guide you through writing wedding vows that work for you.

Agree at least an hour of uninterrupted time for the two of you and get comfy
Get Googling to see what already exists for some inspiration! There are plenty of suggestions out there and you can take ideas from different vows to create your own
With your recent Google finds in mind, think about the most important commitments that you want to make to each other for your future together. Don’t worry about the specific words for now just jot down ideas such as ‘to always be honest and open’ or ‘to make decisions together’ or ‘support each other to follow your dreams’
Next think about any individual words do you want to include in your vows? Maybe ‘sharing’ is important to you, ‘supporting’ each other or remaining ‘independent’
You can now start planning the structure for your vows. There are several ways you can start your vows such as:

I Joe take you Helen to be my lifelong partner and lover
Helen, I will always love and respect you

Then follow on with the commitments you have already agreed, in the form of promises such as:

I promise to support you and to help you follow your dreams
I will share my life with you, giving only the best of me to you

To finish off add a closing line such as:

I make these promises to you with all my heart
I promise to do this throughout our lives whatever our future may hold

Aim for 6 or 8 lines in total for your vows. Simple and sincere is the key
Once you have created your draft vows share these with your celebrant who can help you refine them if needed
Remember you don’t have to make the same promises to each other, choose what works best for you

Example wedding vows:

Helen, I will always love and respect you

I invite you to share my life as I hope to share yours

I promise to support you and help you to follow your dreams

I will try to bring you happiness and laughter

I will seek to achieve with you the life we have envisioned

Throughout our lives whatever our future may hold

Joe, you are my best friend and livelong partner

I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, and grow with you

I promise listen to you and to learn from you

I will love you when we are together and when we are apart

I will have faith in your love for me

Through all our years and all that life may bring us

Symbolic gestures for your wedding ceremony

Symbolic gestures add an extra dimension to any wedding ceremony making it more personal and memorable for you as a couple and your guests. There are plenty to choose from that work really well with humanist wedding ceremonies, here’s just a few of my current favourites…

Hand fasting ceremony

This is the best known symbolic gesture for weddings and involves tying ribbons around the hands of the couple whilst a hand blessing is read out, or the couple making promises to each other with the ribbons being tied by a friend or family member for each promise. The ribbons are then pulled by the couple to create a Celtic love knot or a chain of promises. In each case it has real visual impact and provides keepsake from your ceremony. And it is steeped in tradition, this is where the phrases ‘tying the knot’ and ‘binding agreement’ originate.

Ring warming ceremony

Ring warming is a great way of getting all of your guests involved in your wedding ceremony. Each guest is asked to take hold of the rings, which are tied with ribbon to a ring dish or wooden disc, and to privately bless the rings with their love and wishes for your future life together. This takes place during the ceremony and once the rings have been passed around all your guests they will be warmed with everyone’s blessings for you to then place on each other’s fingers. A really inclusive symbolic gesture for your wedding.

Sand blending ceremony

Particularly good for weddings by the sea, but sand blending ceremonies and work well anywhere and are a brilliant way of visually representing two families coming together. If you have children, either together or from previous relationships, this is a good way to help them feel part of your wedding too. Different coloured sands represent your families and are poured into a glass jar by each person, initially separately, and then together so the sand begins to blend in the jar. Promises can be made as the sand is poured by each family. The jar is then sealed as a keepsake of your special day.

Tree planting ceremony

If you are having your wedding ceremony in your own home or that of a relative then incorporating a tree planting ceremony as part of your celebrations leaves you with a daily visual reminder that will blossom and grow for many years. Close family and friends can be invited to add soil during the planting ceremony whilst making a blessing for your future together. You could also ask guests to write messages and tie these to the tree before the planting and then save these in a memories book afterwards.

Other ideas

There are plenty of other symbolic gestures that you can include such as lighting unity candles to bring your two families together; walking through a ceremonial arch at the end of your ceremony to represent your path together which guests then follow you through; lighting a ceremonial fire for guests to throw wooden discs into whilst making a wish; and really anything you think would work well for you. Humanist wedding ceremonies are all about making your day suit your personality as a couple.

10 Reasons to Choose a Humanist Wedding

A Humanist wedding is great for so many reasons, here are my top 10 of the moment:

You can get married anywhere you like, assuming you have the landowner’s permission. So think beach, woodland, your favourite restaurant or even at home
The words for your ceremony can be created to say just what you want to, there are no rules here!
Select a memorable symbolic ceremony. There’s plenty to choose from – hand fasting, sand blending and broom jumping. Or keep it traditional with an exchange of rings and hand blessing
If you’d like to involve those close to you such as children or friends in your ceremony we can provide ideas on the best way to do this
We love same sex marriages!
You can have a humanist wedding in a licensed venue. Do the legal bit then get personal with a humanist marriage ceremony afterwards
If your partner’s family has a different belief or religion to your own, a humanist wedding ceremony offers a religious-neutral solution
Your ceremony can be as unique as you are from your vows and readings through to your closing music
All celebrants are fully accredited by Humanists UK and have been through rigorous training. Quality comes as standard – no question
Us humanists believe in being kind to others, and the planet, and treating everyone well. Wouldn’t it be great to have someone marry you with those values?

Let me know your reasons for choosing a humanist wedding celebration at stephanie@silverbeeceremonies.co.uk. Find out more about my ceremonies on my wedding page and check out the latest stories and blogs about humanist weddings from Humanists UK.